Archive for March, 2009
Q-uintessence
Mar 31st
I’ve been a tad MIA as of late. A lot on my plate, shoulders, schedule, mind, heart, etcetera etcetera. I tend to believe in standing still when lost. Like a child in a mall who turned around and her parents were no longer there. The best solution is to stand still until someone who is looking for you finds you. Right?
I think you come alive when you realize no one’s looking for you and that maybe you should start.
I stood on the train today sans my i(solation)Pod. I didn’t put my earphones in on purpose. I was surrounded by children. Had to be about 40 to 50 of them. On some type of class trip. Most days, the yelling and screaming of a bunch of 4th graders is the absolute last thing I want to hear. Today, I almost craved it.
I listened closely. I heard the hand slapping of pattycake. I heard the carefree giggles of delight. I heard the “he likes you/ eewwww gross” exchanges. I loved every second of it. I let the sounds take me back.
I was transported to my childhood. To the days when all I worried about was what cereal to eat in the morning or waking up in time for Saturday morning cartoons. When a trip to the corner store made my day because it meant reading the joke inside the .05 Bazooka gum and hoping it was a new one. It meant picking any .25 snack I wanted. It may have even ended in a $1 slice from the pizza shop if I was lucky.
Travel teeee, turn around, touch the ground and out…!
miiiiiiisss maaaaarrryyy mack mack mack…!
eenie meenie minie moe, catch a piggie by its toe…!
down down baby down down the roller coaster…!
I remember.
I looked around the train and the half I was in seemed so much brighter than the adult-filled other half. The older people strained to catch side glimpses of the children from where they stood. Almost like they’d be ridiculed if caught taking delight in them rather than grumbling complaints about the noise, as someone over 25 should. I observed them and wondered how many of them remember being carefree.
I stood amongst the sounds and soaked up them up.
Perhaps if more of us listened to children, more of us would remember how we used to be. Before the bills, before the shitty relationships, before being jaded by harsh realities. Perhaps if we awakened a little bit of the child within, we could relive the innocence…see past enforced ideologies…remember our minds before circumstance shaped them.
I’ve been laying low. Up until this morning, I really couldn’t understand why I had felt the need to do so. I realize now that I’m trying to get back to that place. I know that experiences shape the person you become. But I also know there was something there before it all.
I’m searching for the essence of me.
Before my eyes took shape and my mind grew old with wrinkles.
Sans the frills and dressings.
I’m on a quest to know me then and now.
And I think it’ll be a trip getting to know me.
cyu
jury’s out (courthouse ramblings)
Mar 24th
I won’t apologize for the delay in words.
Jury duty can make one stutter.
I’ve also had writer’s block.
Across the board.
Don’t even want to sign receipts.
Completed the first draft of my first short.
Maybe pouring into it left me empty.
Maybe I’m just full of it.
Perhaps, it’s that
deep contemplation has brought me
nothing but shallow conclusions
and no words to share in depth.
Yet I’m un-shore.
All I know Is that I know nothing.
And thankfully that makes me all the wiser.
Cus man, life’s a motherfather
and we can all use some parental guidance.
So, keep seeking the fountain of YOUth.
You can quote me on that.
-miss cyu
letterman sticks up for our president…
Mar 24th
..in the midst of all the retarded criticism and nitpicking.
one of the many reasons i heart david letterman
new keri hilson, kanye and ne-yo
Mar 24th
I have to say, I am really feeling this song… and the video for that matter. I can relate. Man.
On another note, I just want to say that Kanye had me extremely excited thinking that he had finally cut that damn fro-shag off…. but alas….
pink eye corrects vision
Mar 18th
I’m looking through two sticky pink eyes to post for you guys so you betta get that I love ya. Yes, I know, who in the frikkin hell gets pink-eye at my age, right?? Well, apparently my boss gets it. And more apparently, now me. (And mind ya damn business about my age.)
I hit the ER at 7:30am today, with two pink eyes (though I like to think the color was more of a soft mauve) a scratchy throat and no energy. Hell of a gotdam way to wake up.
Patience has been the order of the day for the past, well, 60-90 days, for me. And as I sat and waited in the ER waiting room (I was THIS close to shooting myself JUST expedite being seen), then waited for the doctor to actually get to my room (he came in when I was about to pocket some tongue depressors), then waited for my prescriptions, then waited in the room to speak to someone about Medicaid (THE most Hood waiting room I have EVER been in), then waited at the pharmacy for my prescriptions to be filled, I had nothing BUT time to think about patience.
I believe it was Ghandi who said: True patience never runs out. (Don’t quote me on that but it was somebody wise) So, I strived to attain it…and keep it. I realized, in all the striving and keeping I was doing, that patience is the gateway to being grateful.
” How so, oh wise cyu? Please. Please tell us more.”
“Ah ah aaaaah.*cyu says shaking her finger* Be patient.
LMAO Sorry, it’s the meds, LOL.But seriously. *abrupt serious straightface* While waiting you are forced to think, to reconsider, to process things.
I texted a friend to complain about the fact that I had been at this hospital for approximately 7 hours, and it hit me. “It” being: All the people who would wait months just to receive medical assistance; all the people who may never get it; all the people who live without running water or food or the freedom to walk down the street without being scared of a bomb going off nearby… It all hit me. Like a brick. The things we complain about… The things we take for granted…
I thought about my two pink eyes and remembered pictures I’d seen of a woman who had no eyes. Just spaces where her sight used to capture life. And the realest part was that she was smiling ear to ear in the picture. And I thought: Who am I to be ungrateful?? To complain about having to wait for anything? At all??
A dear friend of mine has had a rough year. School, money, work–it’s all been tough for him. He’d been down about it for some time but, he called me this week to tell me about something that completely changed his recent outlook. He had left his apartment one morning after cooking a huge breakfast and was gone all day. He got back home that night and saw something blue on the stove out of the corner of his eye. He discovered that he had left his stove flame on the ENTIRE day. The fire had not spread to the the piece of paper cloth that lay so very close to the flame. He could have come home to ashes where his building used to stand. That night he was thankful and grateful for “the fire that never was”. It showed him how much worse things could be.
I’ll never forget that story and the countless other miracles that have happened to me. Just when we lose patience, angry over the things we want to have happened already that have not happened yet, God reminds us of how much worse it could be; how much worse so many others have it.
So I’ll take pink eyes any day. Because today after all my waiting, I am home in my bed with two eyes to close as I lay my head down to sleep. Remember to be patient and grateful today cupcakes.You may not have the chance tomorrow.
Miss Cyu
antm tryout becomes a stampede
Mar 16th
Sorry for the lapse in posts. Did some traveling etc etc. But let me get to the reason I decided to post today.
I have to thank God for His shield of protection that He has blessed me with all of my life. I somehow seem to evade disaster and tragedy by the thinnest frame of time or coincidence.
Many of my friends had been asking me if I was going to try-out for the next cycle of America’s Next Top Model. Tyra Banks made the announcement that she’d be considering only girls 5′7″ and under, which is my category. In addition to my issues with the nudity that some of the assignments require on the show, my height is what was stopping me from trying out.
I went downsouth this past weekend to be with my family on my father’s birthday. This was the first since he passed last year (May Allah be please with him) and I knew I had to make the trip. The day after I touched down, I was discussing with my mother and sister the fact that I felt God was showing me where I need to go and where I should keep away from. When I was talking about it, I was referring to my career. I said “I could have further pursued my modeling, by trying out for ANTM, but I think God has another plan for me, because the tryouts were in NY, today.”
The next day, I watched this on the news.
Sadly, a stampede broke out as hundreds of girls waited for their chance to enter the building and prove themselves ANTM-worthy. There are several accounts as to how/why it started, ranging from a fight between to two girls, to a car over-heating and someone yelling fire. Either way, people began running, trampling, screaming…
Thankfully, it didn’t turn out to be worse, no one was fatally wounded from my understanding, and my prayers go out to those injured in the crowd.
All of this to say, when you hear that voice telling you to steer free, or when “your gut” gives you the feeling that something is about to go terribly wrong, to put it plainly: That’s God. Listen.
miss cyu
trans-gender
Mar 6th
I had an interesting conversation recently with a friend of mine about the differences between men and women when it comes to relationships.
It is said that when it comes to matters of the heart, women tend to move off of emotion and men tend to think things through a bit more. But upon discussing it, my friend and I came to the conclusion that all of that reasoning goes out the window when it comes to the issue of marriage.
I’ll preface this with the statement that this may be a bunch of blanket generalizations. LOL
But hey, what’s life without some good ole generalizations once in a while to give people who don’t fit the norm some shine. So here goes:
In Miss Cyu’s long 28 years of experience, I’ve come to find that men are in fact the ones who become emotional when it comes to taking the step toward marital “bliss”. Women? Well, a lot of times we become men. lol
Women sit back and think everything over logically. Nine times out of ten, the woman has already had all the emotions she will have about this man and at this point, it’s time to deal with the real. Will he be able to provide for/take care of me? Will he be a good father? Will he be a good husband? How will our families mesh? What are the differences in how we want to raise our children? What are his long-term goals? Do they complement my own? These are all things women think about.
Men, however–judging from conversations that I have had with the men I know who have fallen in (and out of) love and gotten married or plan to do so soon–become fools. LOL
My grandfather told me something when I was little, and lord knows why/how I remember this or, for that matter, what made him say this to me in all of my what?-8,9-years of age?
Mr. Jackson said: Women marry the men they choose, Men marry the women they can’t live without.
Men all of a sudden become these hopeless romantics who can care less about the logistics when they fall in love. How will we eat? Psshh “Whatchu mean? Love conquers all! We’ll eat LOVE guurrll.” They seem oblivious to the need to find out about the women they are marrying. They get so caught up in the mushy feelings because ultimately this is most likely the first time they have actually given in to these feelings. They’ve spent so much of their lives protesting all the mushy shit that now that they’ve succumbed to it, ooooh it’s real my friend.
Women are the opposite. Some women have had they’re weddings planned–down to seat assignments and food–since they were old enough to spell “wedding”. But when it comes to marrying, a woman will more likely be the one to say, Okay, what are we going to do about savings? Where will we live? How are we going to do this, this and that? Not to say we aren’t sentimental about the union but we tend to leave the emotion behind when it comes to making the decision of who we will share that union with.
My friend had the same look in his eyes last weekend, when he saw his bride at his wedding, that his bride probably had when they first started dating, when he had yet to take off his cool. Not to say that she was the emotional one, because as I hear it from both of them, he confessed his love first. But, that look…that head-over-heels I’d-die-without-you look…that openness to emotion and the possibility of love is, well, rare in a man. That is until he’s hit that point of no return. When he is WELL aware that his life would be absolutely miserable without this woman. Once again, there are, of course, exceptions. But normally, it’s the woman who is scribbling names all over her work papers when nobody’s looking, only three weeks in.
All of this to say, cupcakes, perhaps, in an effort to better our inter-gender relations, we can start acknowledging and working to understand our fundamental differences, such as the aforementioned.
Stop and think about it the next time he seems not as emotionally ready as you…Or the next time she wants to talk about logistics when you’re ALL in… (or vice versa)
Remember that some people take time to get there, and some have been there and need to make sure it’s a stable place to be before being ALL in.
’Cause trust me child, I’m learning as I go. (*in Andre 3000’s voice**) We all just gon’ have to feel that damn thang out.
xo,
Miss Cyu
after reading this
Mar 6th
After reading this, I want to personally beat the shit out of Chris Brown.
Then beat the shit out of Ms. Robyn Fenty for getting back with his ass.
Young love is definitely dumbass love.
But I guess in RihRih’s own words: “Live ya Life…Hey”.
Read the description of violence HERE.
sigh
Mar 5th
Countrya** Cyu: Ain’t nere’ one a you fitna say nothin’ bad to me ’bout Michael! Speshly, on my sitegotdam! I don’t care how many babies he hang out the dam winda or how many times he take a knife to hi’ mug. He steeell the king a’ pop righ’ de’ah. Remin’ yo se’f what hi’ na’e i’eh gotdam.
Newsreporter, Qimmah Saafir, grabs mic and gives Countrya** Cyu a blank stare
Newsreporter Cyu: **clears throat** With that said, (*smile at the camera quickly followed by deathly straight face and news reporter voice*) Michael Jackson has announced that he will have his final string of tours before retiring. He spoke at a London press conference regarding his decision. See below.
Countrya** Cyu snatches the mic.
Countrya** Cyu: And you BEST believe Cyu fitna be up in at LEAST one of them mugs! White glove, fake chimp and all dat!
Newsreporter Qimmah Saafir, grabs the mic back. Mumbles something about how Countrya** must be out her gotdam mind through clenched teeth.
Newsreporter Qimmah Saafir: (*fake smile*) Roll the clip Stan.
Turns and ice grills Countrya** Cyu.
(In other news ya boy, Chris “YoungIkeTurner” Brown is facing up to nine years if his plea appeal doesn’t go through, due to two felony charges from the LA District Attorney after allegedly tryna beat the lightskin off RihRih. He was apparently jealous she had tanned a bit more than he on their last vacation. (Chris screams: You wanna be dark, I’ll give you some gotdam melanin!) lmao (EAT THE CAKE ANNAMAE!!!) Lemme stop. Sorry, my bad. Seriously, shit is real. (lol too much coffee) Details here. Sigh. SMMFH.)