social qommentary

I had an interesting conversation recently with a friend of mine about the differences between men and women when it comes to relationships.

It is said that when it comes to matters of the heart, women tend to move off of emotion and men tend to think things through a bit more. But upon discussing it, my friend and I came to the conclusion that all of that reasoning goes out the window when it comes to the issue of marriage.

I’ll preface this with the statement that this may be a bunch of blanket generalizations. LOL

But hey, what’s life without some good ole generalizations once in a while to give people who don’t fit the norm some shine. So here goes:

In Miss Cyu’s long 28 years of experience, I’ve come to find that men are in fact the ones who become emotional when it comes to taking the step toward marital “bliss”. Women? Well, a lot of times we become men. lol

Women sit back and think everything over logically. Nine times out of ten, the woman has already had all the emotions she will have about this man and at this point, it’s time to deal with the real. Will he be able to provide for/take care of me? Will he be a good father? Will he be a good husband? How will our families mesh? What are the differences in how we want to raise our children? What are his long-term goals? Do they complement my own? These are all things women think about.

Men, however–judging from conversations that I have had with the men I know who have fallen in (and out of) love and gotten married or plan to do so soon–become fools. LOL

My grandfather told me something when I was little, and lord knows why/how I remember this or, for that matter, what made him say this to me in all of my what?-8,9-years of age?

Mr. Jackson said: Women marry the men they choose, Men marry the women they can’t live without.

Men all of a sudden become these hopeless romantics who can care less about the logistics when they fall in love. How will we eat? Psshh “Whatchu mean? Love conquers all! We’ll eat LOVE guurrll.” They seem oblivious to the need to find out about the women they are marrying. They get so caught up in the mushy feelings because ultimately this is most likely the first time they have actually given in to these feelings. They’ve spent so much of their lives protesting all the mushy shit that now that they’ve succumbed to it, ooooh it’s real my friend.

Women are the opposite. Some women have had they’re weddings planned–down to seat assignments and food–since they were old enough to spell “wedding”. But when it comes to marrying, a woman will more likely be the one to say, Okay, what are we going to do about savings? Where will we live? How are we going to do this, this and that? Not to say we aren’t sentimental about the union but we tend to leave the emotion behind when it comes to making the decision of who we will share that union with.

My friend had the same look in his eyes last weekend, when he saw his bride at his wedding, that his bride probably had when they first started dating, when he had yet to take off his cool. Not to say that she was the emotional one, because as I hear it from both of them, he confessed his love first. But, that look…that head-over-heels I’d-die-without-you look…that openness to emotion and the possibility of love is, well, rare in a man. That is until he’s hit that point of no return. When he is WELL aware that his life would be absolutely miserable without this woman. Once again, there are, of course, exceptions. But normally, it’s the woman who is scribbling names all over her work papers when nobody’s looking, only three weeks in.

All of this to say, cupcakes, perhaps, in an effort to better our inter-gender relations, we can start acknowledging and working to understand our fundamental differences, such as the aforementioned.

Stop and think about it the next time he seems not as emotionally ready as you…Or the next time she wants to talk about logistics when you’re ALL in… (or vice versa)

Remember that some people take time to get there, and some have been there and need to make sure it’s a stable place to be before being ALL in.

’Cause trust me child, I’m learning as I go. (*in Andre 3000’s voice**) We all just gon’ have to feel that damn thang out.

xo,

Miss Cyu

With Mercury on the brink of coming out of retrograde it seems like all the craziness is trying to get in at the last minute. Aside from the insane celebrity ish like Etta James hatin’ on Obama and threatening Beyonce’s life for singing her song to the president (audio here) lmfao and Erykah Badu having a baby and updating the whole experience live through Twitter, everyday folks have been cuttin’ UP and I’m not just talking about my crazy neighbor, CeeCee.

Nothing surprises me anymore. Yesterday, a co-worker came into work, obviously shaken. She announced to those in the research meeting that she was late because while sipping her coffee awaiting her 4 train she noticed blood. She looked over the platform on the tracks and there was a dead man. I just heard Andre 3000 say What a helluvagotdam way to start the morning. I was watching the news the night before and the story being discussed was about a man who was dead for about 20 minutes laying on the street before anyone notified the police. He was face down in a puddle of blood. People just walked by him, around him. The video showed two men passing groceries to be loaded into a trunk over top of him. **blank stare**

As time passes, people have become more and more numb. Nothing scares or shocks. We’ve all been desensitized. The comments made by the people around my friend when she discovered the dead body, I’m sure, were things like “Damn, now I’m gonna be late for work” and “He had to die on my tracks right?? shit.” I’m sure of it because anytime someone has injured themselves horribly or gotten violently sick on the train that has been the sentiment. People think about how it will affect their schedule, what they have to do. They never stop to wonder if that is someone they may know or even how it will effect that person and their loved ones. I just heard Dave Chappelle as Rick James say Cooooold-bloodeeeeeeed

Where has the compassion gone? The sympathy? As a whole, is humanity still capable of caring? I tend to believe so. But, oft times, we are so caught up in our own lives… Our horrible jobs, our relationshits, our debts… that we forget about the workings of the universe–about how our lives just might start becoming that much better if we took the time to care about other people.

We reap what we sow.

This week, cupcakes, think about what you can do to help someone else. Whether it be volunteer work, or just helping a random person. Try to embody Give and Ye Shall Receive. Don’t do it TO receive, but with a genuine, unselfish heart and intention.

Then, watch how and what the universe serves you. You may be pleasantly surprised.

cyu

I’ve been abso-bloody-lutely horrible at my updating since I’ve been back from Paris. This will end soon my cupcakes. Apple logies. Just been joggin’ alongside N.O.R.E on the run eatin’. On to business…

I’ve recently found myself in countless conversation about cycles. (No, not that of the menstrual persuasion, though on my way to Boston this weekend I did have a fat, White, gay Burger King customer service rep whose glasses magnified his eyes to about one and a half times their size, ask me whether I liked salties or sweets while PMSing **blank stare**. This was his idea of bonding). I am speaking of, in fact, the recurring cycles we find ourselves in as adults. Things we’ve tried and tested over the years and know to not work AT all, yet, that we repeat.. over… and over… and over again. Cycles within a relationship or of types of relationships, cycles of behavior (ours or those we interact with), cycles of thought…

The circle is a pattern of infinite flow. Hence, the common knowledge that the only way to escape this circular pattern is to break the cycle. The problem is not only how we break the cycle but our need for a strong enough catalyst to do so. When is enough, enough? A broken heart from never realizing you were worth more? A broken will from never realizing you deserved better? The loss of a career, family, friends because of this ongoing cycle? Or more inwardly the loss of hope, faith and desire to live? What makes us decide when to back away, when to let go, when change is necessary? Only 100 percent dissatisfaction leads to change. Sooooo, what of the times when we’ve only gotten to about 80? Why as human beings do we always need that inevitable extra kick in the throat for us to realize when to put the detrimental situation, person, thinking, feeling, job, relationship, or friendship down and back away?

As we age, we ideally learn. Reality however, shows us that former does not necessarily coincide with the latter. Since we can’t depend on time to correct our destructive behavioral patterns, we must be proactive, No? 

Pick something today, a continual cylindrical confinement that you have somehow placed yourself in or have otherwise never fought to break out of. 

Identify your prison and it’s exit sign.

If there’s no door for you to find, kick a hole in the bloody wall and create one.

cyu.  

I’ve come to the conclusion that though men never seem to admit it, more and more of them are falling in love–possibly even more than women these days–and simply aren’t admitting it.

I don’t know if this is an age-old phenomenon but in my small amount of years on this planet (shutup, I will fight you) I am witnessing a surge of male emotion. So many questions enter my mind with this topic, but the main one is: What the sh&t is the stigma attached to men admitting that they are in love??? Is it that males are raised to have emotions but not display them? Is it thought to be a feminine trait to fall in love? Or better yet to admit it? What about love is so taboo for guys? Is it a relinquishing of power? Is it always having to be the one in control? Is the word “fall” the issue because it means you lose control?

All I know is for all mens’ talk about how utterly perplexing the female gender is, I’ve come to find that the male is equally, if not more, complex of a creature. After investigating this topic through speaking to/studying several men who have described their road from denial to honesty, I am convinced that a man’s logic is right up there with big women in size 2s and anything that comes out of Amy Winehouse says: I will never understand it.

What I do know is, fellas, the world would run much more smoothly if you didn’t vomit in your mouth a little whenever the thought of saying those six little words arises. I-AM-IN-LOVE-WITH-YOU. ’Cause you damn sure know how to say when you’re not.

And to clue you in: Those little butterflies you feel whenever you see or think about her? The fact that she’s always on your mind? The times when you find yourself doing the most ridiculous things JUST to see her smile? When the smallest thing reminds you of her and that huge kool-aid smile spreads across your face? Yea. Cue Usher “You Got It Bad”

Because the fact of the matter is my beautiful men, she won’t be there six years from now when reality hits you in the face like an unopened can of soda from the bleachers or someone you owe money who you’ve been dodging for three years. It’ll be too late. READ MY FONT: SHE WILL BE GONE. Cue Ne-Yo “Time” . Let’s get it together, shall we peppermints?

di mi lo fellas,

cyu