quote of the day

“I’m a cheesesteak purist.”

- a co-worker explaining her hatred for cheese whiz on philly subs.

“Can I say balls during Ramadan??”

-Samantha having a Black blonde moment.

Scene: The “A” train. 10:30 am.

A boy about 18 years old gets up to get off the train. Meanwhile, an elderly woman has been standing in front of him the whole ride. When he gets up you can see that his pants are worn hanging off his butt revealing his underwear.

elderly woman: “Oh. That’s why you couldn’t offer me your seat. ’Cause you got ya whole ass showin’! Pull up your gotdamn pants boy! Punkass! You think you’re a gangster?? Real gangster’s wear belts! You punk!”

And then yelling off the train after the embarrassed youngin: “Nobody likes a bitchass!!”

“Oh my god, me and my girls went Spanish dancing just the other day. It was like waaaay awesome. I was all “Como ti Lamas” and whatever!”

-drunk chick in a Mexican restaurant explaining to the waiter how submerged in Latino culture she is.

“I’m just gonna throw this out there because, well, it’s just the way I feel:

Dark Knight is the best sequel since The New Testament.”

–my twin brother, B

59th Street A,D,B,C platform

9:52 a.m.

A homeless man is asking for change.

A blatantly homosexual man says, “Here sweetie, take my shades.”

Hands a confused homeless man his Aviator sunglasses.

In response to a puzzled look from a woman passing, the shades-giver then blurts out:

“What?? Even the homeless deserve to feel fabulous. You may have a home but he’s flyer than you now!”

“But my doo-doo can’t wait mommy! I’m serious!”

– a four-year-old boy in the ladies restroom